Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Nerbiyoso

This isn't my Project 365 post for the previous day. I'll be making a dual day post tonight. I just want to get this off my chest. I am, in Filipino, nerbiyoso.

Google translate (of all places to look for the definition) defines this as follows:

nerbiyoso - adjective
  • edgy - nerbiyoso
  • jumpy - magugulatin, matatakutin, nerbiyoso, palundag-lundag, paluksu-lukso
  • high-strung - napakamaramdamin, matatakutin, nerbiyoso
  • neurotic - nerbiyoso, matatakutin, ninenerbiyos
  • nervous - kinakabahan, nerbiyoso, natatakot, ninenerbiyos, takot, matatakutin
  • skittish - magugulatin, matatakutin, nerbiyoso
  • astir - nerbiyoso
  • unstrung - nerbiyoso, talihabso, maluwag ang bagting, lagot ang bagting, patid ang bagting, walang bagting
nerbiyoso - noun
  • neurotic - nerbiyoso
Each of those definitions rings true for me. I am edgy, jumpy, high-strung, neurotic, nervous, skittish, astir, and unstrung. Sometimes all at the same time. I get anxious a lot. But I don't get panic attacks, thank God.

Why am I saying this? Tomorrow I'll be going off on a business road trip for five days. I've been thinking about it the past few days because that's what I do best. I think. A lot. About things I shouldn't even be thinking this much about. It's the same when we leave for vacation abroad. I can't sleep well leading to the trip.

It's annoying, and I wish I can find something to help me get some peace of mind. Maybe I'll find it in religion. Maybe I'll find it if by being more self-aware and preventing myself from thinking too much about things. I can do that while awake. But when I sleep?

Last night I tired myself out and slept at 11pm. And I still woke up at 3am today. I'm thinking it's because of the upcoming trip. I'll be driving to Clark for the Clark International Motor Show 2014 and I'll be bringing my own car in a convoy. I am partially excited as this is the first time I'll be going north and driving.

But at the same time my paranoid side is also worrying like hell. It's the never-ending battle to find peace of mind and happiness. I'll be a very happy man once I learn to calm the f*ck down.

Out.

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