When Enough is Enough

There will come a time when you realize that you are just forcing yourself to do something. When you realize that all the efforts, all the hope you've been clinging on to aren't worth it. That you've been living a lie, or that your time has come.

I have reached that point right now. I realized this about a week ago, during one fateful conversation. I was expecting help and support, instead I got a rude awakening. It was a dose of the truth, I know. It was for my own good, and I acknowledge this fact. I understood the purpose of finding out the truth, but that conversation was not the appropriate time for me to know it. 

People are wired differently, some people can take it on the chin, stagger, then fight back. I am not one of those people. When the going gets tough, or when I fall, it takes me a while before I can get back up. But I always do.

I needed help, instead I got salt rubbed on my wounds. And because of that, I realized that enough was enough. And since then, when I fell, I've stood up. But it doesn't end there. Now that I'm standing again, I'm clawing my way up even more. Because I know I am not where I should be. I am in a hole I dug myself in, and the only way out is for me to climb up.

It reminds me of the scene in The Dark Knight Rises, when Bruce Wayne climbs up the pit and tries to escape. That's me now. I'm trying to escape. I'm trying to shed the rope so that I can achieve the success that I desire. It may come sooner, it may come later, but I will achieve my goals.

Out.

2013 Birthday Wishlist 2.0 - The Automotive Edition

So I've already written a v1.0 of my 2013 birthday wishlist. Now it's time for another wishlist, this time an automotive edition. No, I won't be asking for cars. I'll be asking for stuff to upgrade and fix my current daily driver - my mother's 2001 Rav4. And I'll be as generic as possible. I may like cars, but I haven't done enough research to be very specific with this wishlist.

So here we go, starting with what I really want the most to what I "least" want.

1. Brighter, all-weather headlamp bulbs and fog lamps. You know what I mean. Instead of your standard halogen beams you'll be getting a more yellow beam. They say it improves contrast at night. Our old Lite Ace originally had yellow bulbs but either the wattage was too low or I wasn't that good a driver yet. But I always, always had a hard time at night with it. Hence my request for brighter bulbs. Instead of your standard 50/60 watt bulbs, I want something a bit brighter. But not 90/100 watt bulbs. That would be too bright and blinding to oncoming traffic.
2. Clear tint for all windows. I want the clear tint that blocks out heat but keeps visibility great.
3. New head unit for the sound system. And a new antenna. No more of those "gimmicky" rubber antennas. I'd rather go back to the classic metal antennas that you can pull up or push down.
4. New power window motor. One of the power windows in the rear isn't working anymore. I'd love to have it fixed again just because I hate having anything broken in the car.

And that's it. I could start posting about outrageous things I'd want for the car (like a hood scoop from a diesel Rav4 of same make, or nice 18" rims, new big brake kits, or even improved intake and exhaust systems) but really, with the way I drive and my practicality, I'll be happy if I get one of those things above.

Out.

Gadget Review: Dragonwar's Dragunov Mouse

I've been needing a new mouse for quite a while now. So I bought one yesterday. It's the Dragunov Ergonomic Laser Gaming Mouse from... I guess Dragonwar? This is my review of the mouse. Take note I've only had it for a day when I wrote this.

image taken from the net

Why this mouse? And why did I need a new mouse?

• The price was right. At PhP495 it was cheap for a gaming mouse.
• I was stupid. The store selling this had it's boxes lined beside Razer gaming mouses (mice?). The packaging looks very similar to Razer products. So I thought I was getting a Razer mouse that was on sale because it was old stock. So stupid me.
• I need a middle mouse button for 3D. I use 3ds Max. My old mouse's middle mouse button was broken. So I couldn't use Max properly without it.

What's great about the Dragunov?

• The price. At PhP495 it is way cheaper than the mouse I was planning to get, a Logitech wireless mouse that was exactly the same as my old mouse.
• The dpi button. The resolutions available are 800, 1600, 2400, and 3200dpi. At the click of the dpi button, right below the mouse wheel, you can adjust how sensitive your mouse is when you move it. I can flick my mouse and the pointer on the screen could barely move an inch, or I can move my mouse an inch and the pointer with fly all over the screen. I exaggerate but that's the most basic explanation of the dpi button.
• The feel. The grip is rubbery and pleasant to the touch. The weight requires a comfortable amount of force I need to exert to move it. Holding the mouse feels natural.
• The cable. This mouse isn't wireless, but I like the cable. It's not made of rubber. It's made of some nylon-ish mesh that covers the wiring. Looks nice and very professional.

What's not nice about the Dragunov?

• It's not a Razer mouse. Honestly, that's the only gripe I have. I'm not a techie guy, and I never really wanted to own a Razer. But I thought I had the chance to own one for a cheap price. Blame this on me, of course, for not reading the box properly. Then again, the nearest Razer gaming mouse beside the Dragunov at the store costs AT LEAST FIVE TIMES MORE than the Dragunov, it was around PhP2495 if I recall correctly.
• Durability. I have no idea how long this mouse will last. My previous Logitech mouse still works, I just gave it to my wife because of the non-functioning middle-mouse button. But that Logitech is still working almost perfectly. The scroll wheel still works. Just not the f*cking middle-mouse button.

In closing, I didn't buy the Dragunov to be a gaming mouse. I bought it as an all-around mouse that I can use for my 3D projects. And if you ask me, it was definitely worth it. I'll try to post an update in a few months if it is still working or not. But for the price and the feel, it is definitely a buy.

Out.

2013 Birthday Wishlist 1.0

My birthday is coming up in little over a month's time. Seeing as how I'm a materialistic and greedy SOB, here are some of the things I wouldn't mind receiving as a gift.

• Basketball goggles with proper graded lenses. Not really for basketball, but more as a back-up / beach glasses. A spare set of glasses that I won't worry about if I bring it to the beach or if I drop it. Why these? The glasses I'm using right now has clip-on shades I got wet in the beach. The protective film got washed off. So I'd rather have normal glasses and goggles I can use for other activities. The image below I got off the web and is similar to a pair of goggles I saw in the optical shop I go to.

image taken from the net

• 1 terabyte external hard drive. My 250gb external hard drive isn't enough back-up. Pictures alone are over 100gb. So it's time I got another external drive. I'd be happy with this hard drive from Villman, as seen below.

image taken from villman's website

• KD V Elite Homes. You can buy it at any Nike store, or you can get it via Titan Sports. Durant is one of my favorite NBA players, and I've had a thing for low-cut sneakers since I bought the Nike Kobe V way back in 2010. The image below is what the KD Vs look like, and I got it from the internet.

image taken from the net

And there you have it. Three things I'd like to receive as a gift for my birthday.

Out.

Optimists and Pessimists

Positive people. I envy them.

I have no idea how they do it, or what goes on inside their heads. How do they keep seeing the bright side? How can they stay cheerful? How can they balance the reality of the situation with the morale enhancing perception of that said reality?

I really wish I could be like them. Cheerful, always looking for the bright side of things. Rarely letting anything get them down. They are beacons of hope in this existence of mine. I have always been in awe of these optimists. I have always been envious of them. I have always wanted to think and feel like they do, but I know for a fact that I cannot.

It must be because I am a pessimist by nature. And the fact that I over analyze things a lot. I blow even the most menial issue into proportions some local telenovela writers would kill for. That's a thought, maybe I should just start writing for telenovelas.

Just this afternoon I was supposed to report on something really important for work. It was a request for extension of time in a project I was managing. Being the pessimist that I am I braced for the worst - me getting fired. Yup, I was in full paranoid mode that I immediately came up with three (somewhat logical, yet extremely stupid) reasons why I could get fired. Good thing I didn't lose my job.

There are times being a pessimist works. Like today. I expected the worst and was pleasantly surprised with the results. I got an extension, not as much as the team was hoping for. But with the help of my officemates I was able to buy the team some time. And that's good.

Out.