[1072] Introspection and Looking Back

It is around 5:01am as I start writing this... in Iloilo. I am here for some things I have to do, both holiday and business I guess. Going solo and being alone with a really screwed up sleep schedule has me up since a couple past 2am. Good thing I fell asleep before 9pm so I did get around maybe six hours of sleep.

When I was younger, in my teens, I used to tell myself and my friends that if fourteen year old me saw ten year old me the former would beat the latter up for whatever reasons. This was also something I said when I was ten, that I'd beat my seven year old self up. I used to say it in jest, but looking back I'm guessing there was a grain of truth to that.

As I grew older my perspective changed and my twenty-two year old self would then try to reach out and talk to my eighteen year old self. Now that I'm entering my mid-forties I suddenly remembered this and I realized that I would love to reach out to my younger selves. It was less anger at myself for using the term "beat up" but more frustration that I missed out on so many things because of how I thought and behaved at the time.

Sadly I doubt I could go back in time to try to steer myself a bit better. This isn't Groundhog Day, this is real life. All I can do is hopefully learn from my mistakes and try to be a better person now.

Tick tock, the clock is running out.

Out.

[1071] Rain

After what seemed like a long and really, really hot summer we finally get a lot of rain. In fact, we got a tropical depression which is locally named "Aghon." 

While tropical depressions or storms are never a good thing, the arrival of rains is something I can sort of welcome. Hopefully the water reserves in Angat Dam and other dams are replenished, and hopefully the weather cools a lot.

I did notice that the peak of heat was two or three weeks ago and it was only good for a week. The following weeks the temperatures weren't peaking as high, but it still reaches around 35ºC or so during lunch. That's too hot, and honestly one of the drawbacks of living inside Metro Manila is the lack of trees and cooling breezes. All the asphalt and cement and white painted houses magnifies the heat.

Out.

[1070] Crazy Bike Build 21 May 2024

I'm going to be writing stuff about yet another dream bike build today. Here we go.

• Medium Ritchey Outback frameset in the Guac y Crema (which is green and cream, I think) colors. Steel bike frame with the carbon fiber fork that comes with it.
• Redshift Sports Shockstop System suspension stem and seatpost. Maybe a 90mm or 100mm stem. Then the longest seatpost at 350mm.
• Microshift Sword 2x10 groupset. Yes, I'm doing 2x10 for my dream bike build. Choosing the 46/29T chainring with the (11-38T) 11-34T cassette.
• Coefficient All Road handlebars. Yep, a carbon fiber handlebar. I'm also picking the 38cm wide bars.
• TRP HY/RD hybrid brake calipers. Mechanical pull with a hydraulic caliper. I don't think Microshift does hydraulic brifters, nor do I want to do a full hydraulic setup. Flat mount calipers since the Outback uses flat mounts.
• Crankbrothers Candy 2 clipless pedals. I'm going with the silver color since it's only available in silver and red. I'm not picking the Candy 1 since the pedals are made of composite materials and I'd rather have alloy pedals.
• Adidas Velosamba made with Nature mountain bike shoes. Charcoal, cloud white, spark colors. The shoes are very casual looking but there are mounting points for mountain bike style cleats.
• Mavic Allroad Disc gravel wheelset. I'll come clean here, I really do not have any preferred wheelsets. I just need them to be tubeless ready and cheap. So the Mavics are it. None of the CF expensive wheelsets. Just simple and hopefully durable and reliable.
• I still don't know if I'm going tubeless or not so in case I decide on inner tubes I'm definitely picking Tubolito's X-Tubo-CX/Gravel inner tubes. These are lightweight and durable and better than the usual tubes I use so might as well save some weight in some areas.
• Panaracer Gravel King 2024 SS tires. Of course I'm going with the classic brown sidewall colors like what I have on my bike right now. I'm also choosing Panaracers as well because I'm just a casual cyclist and I don't really need to worry about the rolling resistance and other things.
• Brooks C17 carved saddle. This isn't the leather version but I've heard great things about Brooks saddles. Since I won't be participating in any races this might be the ideal saddle for me.

I think that's as complete a bike setup as I've ever blogged about. I'm not going with the accessories, like lights, dynamo hubs, racks, and bags. Just enough components that an actual bike can be built. I'm not even going to try to total how much this might cost since I know I can't afford this at the moment. But as we always like to say, "A guy can dream, can't I?"

Out.

[1069] Plot Twist

I blogged quite a few times already that I'm considering getting a small, practical, fuel efficient car that has a high visibility color.

My wife wants to pick the color, and she's already mentioned silver. So I guess in the event we do push through getting a practical car it won't be in the color I like unless I can convince her otherwise.

Out.

[1068] Coping Mechanisms

It's very strange that I cannot figure out what my coping mechanism is. Sometimes it's just browsing online looking for stuff I wish I could afford.

Other times I like to just sit or lie down without using any electronic devices, leaving myself to my own thoughts. Just a chance to think and hopefully decompress.

There are also times I want to go out, go to places I don't usually go to, and probably buy something for myself aside from food.

Food is also a coping mechanism of mine, though I am trying to temper eating what I like with eating just enough. On a side note I have managed to slowly bring my weight down to around 92.5 kg from 94 kg these past few months. Oh yes, I've gone past my 90 kg threshold and I wasn't able to stop it.

Food is a coping mechanism.

Out.

[1067] Journaling Update

I stopped.

I do not have the discipline to write some notes at the end of the day. Once in a while I do update my small notebook, but these past few days I have not written anything.

Do I feel bad about it? No. It was my attempt to cope with anxieties and daily stresses and I guess it wasn't helping. Either that or I'm just really my own worst enemy.

Out.

[1066] Random Post

This will be a total stream-of-consciousness post. I'll be writing stuff as I think of them.

It's been an interesting 2024 so far, and honestly I thought things were going in a positive direction, until they weren't. Though you could say it could also just be me dragging myself down. I just wasn't expecting some personal things to happen this way and to be quite honest it really is getting tiring.

I'm entering my mid-forties already and there are still some things I would have loved to achieve in my life that I haven't.

I need to keep grinding.

Out.