[817] Appearances

I just realized that some people I consider friends probably see me in a way that bothers me. Specifically I guess they assume things about me, either based on how I interact with them or whatever stuff I post on social media. And through those things they come up with their opinions on me.

And sometimes when they let me know what opinion they have on me it bothers me, though to be honest why should I let it bother me? It depends on how much of a friend I consider them. It also depends on how much I should value their advice with how I see how they treat me.

Maybe I'm getting too onion-skinned or maybe I'm just becoming annoying to him but I did notice that recently I've been slightly offended with the way he interacts with me in our group chats. I honestly cannot assume how he's feeling or how he's saying it since there are no emotions included in words. So I can only interpret it the way I read it, and recently it seems hostile.

I've been trying to think if it's my fault, sometimes chatting too much or maybe being the annoying person in the chat. Or maybe it's because I've been acting too much of the fool. I honestly don't know.

I've tried asking more questions so I can better understand everyone but I guess it just makes me seem like I've been living a sheltered life and that I really know jack shit about the world. And honestly it pisses me off that some people are starting to treat me rathery condescendingly from my point of view.

So I shall deal with this problem with how I usually deal with negative things in my life. I'll just cut it off. Not totally, as it could be just me being too sensitive.

Why don't I confront him you might ask? Because I really don't like confronting people. I don't really want to open up and say that he's been acting hostile lately. Might open up more shit than I want to deal with.

So I retreat, metaphorically speaking. Like with things I don't like I'll just avoid them. I know who has my back and who doesn't, and right now it looks like he doesn't have my back.

Out.

[816] Motivation?

I have to get this off my chest. I will try to be as vague as possible with the details. Also this is from what I understood based on accounts of others.

A few weeks ago some kid apparently told my daughter that he didn't believe she had Netflix at home because she was, and I quote, "poor." Good thing my daughter was mature enough to say she didn't care what he thought, but it basically upset me.

That kid is basically a rich spoiled brat. He was lucky enough to be born to parents who earn really fucking great in this country. They can afford to be in debt paying off car loans and housing loans. I can't even afford to be in debt.

It pissed me off a lot. It still does. I have friends who are way better off financially than me, or the family of that kid, and they never, ever said anything to demean me because of my financial standing. They treated me with respect and as an equal. In fact I would even proudly say that those friends of mine treat me like a brother from another mother. An immature brother, though that's for another post.

As I've grown I've learned to prioritize things in life. My priority now is to give the best possible education to my daughter. And yes there are so many luxuries I have decided to sacrifice just to give this education to her. And to hear this little asshole call my daughter poor really stings me. No, don't give me the argument of, "he's just a kid, he didn't mean anything." Bullshit. Kids speak their minds and they say what is in their hearts. If that little shit had a heart. I may eventually forgive him, but I will never forget what he said.

I will still do my best to provide the best education and upbringing I can give my daughter. With the help of my wife we will teach our daughter to be strong, independent, compassionate, smart, and kind. I will also teach my daughter not to take shit from anyone.

No matter how rich you are in life it does not give you the excuse to belittle people who aren't as well off as you. This world needs more compassion, it does not need arrogant little shits who will just make this world a worse place.

Out.

[815] Thirty-nine Years Old

Today I turn 39. It's been quite a journey for me these past few years. It has been some of the most challenging times in my life, and I mean that in the most positive way I can.

I have been doing way more growing up and maturing since maybe 2017 because of events beyond my control. I may have changed my beliefs, and I may have started acting differently, but I am really glad that I am still learning and persevering through all this.

I personally feel I have achieved a great deal of things. I have no desire to compare what I've been through to others, nor do I have any desire to say I have achieved more than others. I have simply learned a lot of things. For some what I've gone through and how I've grown will be shallow, but I really couldn't care less.

So happy birthday to myself. I honestly wish I still have more time left in this world because I have so many more goals I want to achieve and so many more moments I want to experience.

Out.

[814] Birthday Wishes 2019

As I commonly do when my birthday comes up I like to post some wishes. I don't know if I've done this before but I'll be posting some non-material stuff. So without further ado...

• Strength of will and peace of mind. I used to pray everyday this. I never got it. So I've been trying to achieve this on my own. And no, I'm not turning this into one of those religious "your greater being has helped you because you helped yourself." I stopped believing in that years ago. You want something you do something to get it.
• Happiness and kindness. Who doesn't want to be happy right? As for kindness, I want to be the kind of person who other people will consider as a kind person, not as a person who acts kind.

Anyway enough of the serious stuff. On to the greedy stuff.

• A classic Volkswagen Beetle and the tools I need to work on it. I still dream of owning one.
• A nice two-bedroom condominium unit and two parking slots in a good place in Makati. Somewhere near both where my wife works and where my daughter goes to school. So in case of bad weather they don't have to travel far to get home.
• A pair of Puma Clyde Court Disrupt basketball shoes.
• A Dean MLX Floyd electric guitar. And to go with this a nice, small Marshall amp to plug it in to.

And that's it, I guess. Honestly I'm not really wishing for anything material, just the serious ones. I've been realizing a lot of stuff and I've been doing a lot of growing up these past few years. My maturity is almost reaching the maturity of a 23-year old while my body is nearing 39.

Life goes on.

Out.