Holy Week in the Philippines usually means a long weekend, with Maundy Thursday and Good Friday being non-working holidays.
When I was still a young boy this was usually the time my family and I would go to my mother's province in Orani, Bataan, where we would spend most of Holy Week there in quiet reflection.
Times have changed. Holy Week is now time for rest and recreation. Beach outings, out-of-towns, trips abroad. There are still a good number of Roman Catholics who still follow the usual traditions during Holy Week, despite the fact that people seem to forget the true meaning of these traditions.
Now it's mostly a chance to hang out with friends, or family, to do the traditions. And most of the time it's an excuse to go out and have fun, instead of remembering what Holy Week really is about.
But that's not what this post is about.
This post is about me.
The past few weeks have been draining on me. Physically, mentally, emotionally draining. And I know just what's been causing this drain.
Work.
While I still see the positives I've been gaining at work, it is getting harder and harder to look past the negatives. Yes, the experience I've been gaining has been great. Yes, I am learning to become a decent project manager, and if you ask me, I think I've gotten the respect of my team. I still enjoy the company of most of my officemates, and I still have "fun" in the office.
But I'm really tired. And I'm starting to doubt if everything I do at work is worth it.
I will still do my job, and I will do it well. Because I'm a professional. I am just posting this as an outlet because I need to think about where I see myself these next few years. I'm not getting any younger, my daughter is about to start going to the "big school," and my family and I still live with (and slightly depend on) my parents.
This just won't do. I need to do things to improve my life.
Out.
I really wish I could blog more.
I have time. I can always make time. The bigger problem is I have nothing to write about. It has nothing to do with writer's block. It has nothing to do with lack of inspiration.
The issue is the fact that my blog is online. And there are so many things I would love to get out of my chest. But I can't. Not online, not on my blog. It's too personal, or too "sensitive" to just post. Trust me.
I've mentioned before that I've been self-censoring my blog, hence the lack of posts. I guess it's time to look for my old "diary" and start writing on it again.
Out.
I've always had a soft spot for the Mitsubishi Outlander. Actually, the Outlanders sold here, which would mean the first and second generations.
I've heard rumors that the first generation was under-powered, that the single-overhead cam made it weak. Who cares? I didn't drive fast, it looked nice (still does), it had one of the first few tiptronic gearboxes available in the Philippines that wasn't in a luxury car, and it even had four-wheel drive. It also had decent space and decent ride height.
The second one that came out looked even better than the first gen. It had a sleeker, more aggressive look. And it came with a top-of-the-line 3.0L V6 variant. So the power issue was addressed. Aside from that, the best variant also had paddle shifters - again, another feature that you usually found on luxury cars in the Philippines. And it also came with a Rockford Fosgate speaker system and subwoofer.
Looking at the local online second-hand buy-and-sell sites, a decent second generation Outlander costs around 600k and above. If you get lucky you could probably even get the top-of-the-line model, but with petrol prices nowadays I don't think that's a good idea.
So why am I writing about the Outlander? Because it's not being sold here anymore. I don't know what replaced it, if it was the Montero Sport or the ASX. I'm just bummed it isn't being sold anymore.
Not that I have money to buy it, but this vehicle would definitely be one of the top choices I'd have if I were to purchase a second-hand vehicle.
Out.
I could be shooting myself in the foot with this post. But I just have to let this out.
I'm not happy anymore at work.
It may not seem like it to everyone else in the office. But that's because I try to maintain my professionalism. Seeing as I'm already part of "upper management" I have no choice but to try and be a positive force in the office.
Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the new challenges I've been encountering since I decided to apprentice as an associate producer. I appreciate the new things I've learned, specially on communicating with clients who are based abroad. I've had a couple of Skype calls, I've done my fair share of e-mail correspondence, and most of them have been great.
Hell, I've even worked with a Japanese client and I've experienced what happens if you tell them you'll be sending them a build at a certain time and you don't.
And don't think I'm unhappy because of the people I work with. I am very happy with my co-workers, specifically my team. They help me get through each and every work day without me slamming my head against the wall. And they all know when to step it up and when to have fun. All I have to worry about is to remind them about the deadline. No whip-cracking, no begging for them to finish their work.
I'm just not happy. People say if you love your job it won't feel like a job. Well, I don't love my job. I don't hate it, either. I just don't care about my job. And it's ironic because I recently got some positive reviews from a superior, who said my change in attitude and leadership was very obvious and very good. I wish I could have told that person that I honestly don't care anymore at work, and I'm just doing the duties assigned to my role.
I guess that's what I'm trying to say. My passion is dead and all that's keeping me going on is the professionalism instilled in my by my parents, and by some former officemates.
Out.
