Man Up or Shut Up

My mom got me to talk to a feng shui expert a few months ago. Basically what I understood from the conversation was that I had it lucky and good during my early years but starting around my adult years it would be a struggle. She said I'd have to work hard for whatever it was that I wanted. No more coasting or what.

I'm not used to struggle. But I guess I have no choice but to struggle. Because I want a lot of things. And I guess if this helps me become a better person, then by all means struggle.

It's just annoying that some people have it easier than me. But I guess that's the hand I was dealt with. No re-shuffles or what.

Sigh.

Out.

New "Blog"

I have a new "blog" in blogspot.

It's not really a blog. It will be my portfolio page. I will start making a new demoreel and I hope I am motivated enough to actually do something productive soon. Very soon.

Check it out.

http://gani-nanagas.blogspot.com

Out.

Randomness

Quick random stuff to post.

First off, I'm getting my laptop in "fighting form" for the internet. Things are starting to normalize as I am getting used to using this thing. I now have most of the essential internet stuff I need. I have a browser and I have YM. 'Nuff said.

As for the browser, I have switched to Google Chrome. Why? Just wanted to give it a shot. It seems it has the same capabilities that I liked in Firefox -tabbed browsing and the bookmarks toolbar. I never really used too many plugins in Firefox, and I think it's best that I keep Chrome simple. Plus I like the feature of Chrome where if one window crashes it won't affect the whole browser. I had around three to four crashes in Firefox a week. Now it hasn't happened yet on Chrome and I want to see how it works.

Second, I'm looking for free web hosting online. Why? I'd like to do a dedicated portfolio / personal website for myself. I'm not too happy with Multiply since it's sort of become another social networking site. So if any of you have any suggestions for good, free, website hosting please, please, please let me know.

Finally, I'm offering my services as a 3D artist. Anyone interested in simple 3D models and animations just drop me an e-mail. I can do simple flying logos and stuff. No hardcore stuff for now. I'm just looking to earn some extra cash. (But not "coffee money" as one person tried to get me to do a "simple" errand.)

Out.

Moving On

So it has been a while since I last posted something on this blog. As usual I have all the excuses I want for failing to maintain a continuing stream of thought here. The greatest excuse being that I am a procrastinator, still.

Anyway, a lot of major things are going to happen to me sooner than you'd think. In less than 2 months I will be opening a new chapter in my life, and I will face more challenges to come.

I recently went on a European vacation with my folks. I don't remember if i blogged about it or not, but after that trip my mindset was so different. Just being in Europe for a few weeks actually opened my eyes up to a new way of thinking. I formed my own notions as to how Europeans thought, and how they viewed things in life. And I saw that it was better than the "talangka mentality" we Filipinos usually use.

It was progressive. It was amazing. People who wanted to succeed actually tried their best to succeed and did not find it threatening that other people wanted to succeed as well. They were going to do whatever they could to achieve their goals, and they won't get in the way of others' goals as well. Amazing.

I've spent almost my entire life in the Philippines. The predominant mentality here is so different. People here see other people succeed and they think that they should succeed to. But instead of striving for success they strive to bring down others so that they can feel good about themselves.

It's sad when I think about it. And I cannot say that I have never thought that way either. In fact I seem to be reverting to it again, except that now I am conscious of the fact that I am becoming someone else's impediment. And now I am trying my best to achieve my life's goals, while trying not to step on anyone else's goals.

It saddens me when I think that majority of Filipinos could achieve such greatness, except that the only thing holding them back are themselves. Maybe we should just start helping ourselves rather than dragging other people down.

I hope I do not forget the lessons I've learned my entire life.

Out.

Dwight Howard Live 2010 Commercial

Lucky Me

When I was in high school I always dreamt of traveling the world and visiting famous peoples' graves. Who'd have thought I'd be fortunate, blessed, lucky, or whatever, to actually realize that dream?

Thanks to my folks, who took me along with them to a European vacation, I was able to visit lots of famous peoples' graves. Plus, I was able to visit the tombs of the popes in Vatican City. And I was able to see the final resting places of St. Francis of Assissi, St. Anthony of Padua, St. Catherine, and St. Lucia to name a few. That was in Italy.

In France my folks were kind enough to go with me to Pere Lachaise Cemetary. Lots of the more "conventional" famous people are buried there. I was able to see the graves of Chopin, Oscar Wilde, Sarah Bernhardt, Moliere, and Jim Morrison. Woohoo!!! The only reason I wanted to go to Pere Lachaise was Jim Morrison's grave. Yet there they were, other famous people. I was awestruck.

I am more than happy that I was able to partly fulfill one of my dreams. I just hope I can visit more graves. Some of the people I plan to visit? Manfred von Richtofen, Dimebag Darrell, Bruce Lee, Jimi Hendrix...

Here are some pictures at Pere Lachaise. Obviously photography isn't allowed in the religious burial grounds.

Here I am at Jim Morrison's Grave...


This is Chopin's final resting place.


Finally here I am at Oscar Wilde's grave.

Push

Nothing new to update. Still lazy to fix this blog up.

Work

When is work not work? When you enjoy doing it.

So does this mean that right now, I'm doing my job? Yes.

Maybe it's with my attitude. Maybe I'm the one to blame for not having fun anymore. But as of right now, 3D is shit. I feel the greatest regret that I decided to follow what I wanted and study 3D in college instead of just concentrating on taking up management or some other course that can make me lots of money. 3D just isn't it for me. I've started hating this profession of mine.

3D sucks. I've worked overtimes and sacrificed a lot of things I wanted to do because my job needed those sacrifices. And what have I gotten in return? Shit. My salary is decent. If I wanted to just have enough to pay for a place to stay and some food.

If I moved out of my parents' house my salary would just be enough to pay the rent and utilities of a SMALL STUDIO TYPE APARTMENT AND feed me. No more extra cash for whatever I want to do. I would not have enough cash left to spend for some other stuff.

Thank you, 3D. I regret choosing you as my career path because apparently at the rate I'm going I'll NEVER be able to buy my own house, much less my own car.

Out.

Quarter Year Resolutions?

I've recently decided to be less vocal of most of my angst. It's probably going to be step one in trying to improve my karma. Once I learn to stop being so vocal with all the angst I have, maybe I'll start getting less angsty.

We'll never know until it happens.

I've also decided to start trying to be more open-minded and generous.

You may be wondering why this is happening, or even why I am suddenly acting this way. Call it impulse, call it whatever. Things have happened recently and it's gotten me thinking.

I've posted before that I wanted to increase the number of blog posts. Epic fail, I guess. At this rate I won't even reach the number of posts I made last year. And it all boils down to the fact that I STILL don't have my PC upgrade yet.

Captain Procrastination strikes yet again. And again. And again.

Damn. I don't want to write anymore.

Where did all my drive to write go?

Out.

Vent

I am getting pretty fed up already.

This was not what I had planned on doing, I am a 3D artist. Not an editor, not a pure compositor either. I am willing to do what must be done not because I want to do it, but because I am paid to do it.

Plus how do you expect me to produce what you want to produce when even you cannot make up your mind on how it is supposed to look? I've been doing this task since December 2008 and now you come up with more "brilliant" ideas of yours, asking me to "integrate" it to what I've already done. Well, your new ideas cannot be integrated. I have to start from scratch, basically wasting how many months of previous progress I had come up with.

Can it be done? Yes, given enough time. Yes, because I have no choice. And no, giving me more computers to help in rendering won't speed things up as much as you would want. You remind me of someone I used to work with. Always thinking that more computers mean faster work time. The sad part is you are supposed to be tech savvy. And now you just act like that someone I know.

The other bad part is you aren't even supposed to be the one to make decisions on this little task you have me doing. That's why you have directors and leads, they are supposed to make the calls. You can provide your input if you want but the directors are supposed to be the ones to say if the task is actually good to go or not.

And on that note, I'd like to digress to the part about the director. Thank you. You actually managed to speak out what I was thinking, that the new idea isn't good because we've been working on the previous idea since last year. I was surprised that you can actually take a stand once in a while. The bad part is in the end you still caved in and gave the opening to apply more changes. But I have told you my concerns about this project.

I've given almost everything you guys asked for with regards to this task. And yet every time you get what you want new things pop up. When will this end?

I know when this will end. When I can't make the end-of-the-week deadline you guys are setting. Because of your brilliant ideas which are very hard to execute. And who gets the blame? Me.

Well, f*ck you. Send me another impulsively written and poorly thought out letter and you will see just how much of an assh*le I can be too. I'm getting sick and tired of being everyone's whipping boy.

I am getting fed up with all this sh*t.

Out.

Back From Bangladesh and a Wishlist of Sorts

First things first, I returned to Manila on February 28, 2009. I was in Dhaka from Feb. 10 to Feb. 26 training some 3D artists how to do low-poly stuff for Nintendo DS games.

Dhaka (capital of Bangladesh) was an experience. I wish I could write everything down here but I don't think so. All I can say is that I experienced a lot of good times there, and there were some really bad times too (bastard taxi drivers). I enjoyed the opportunity, plus I think I did pretty well regarding the training.

After Dhaka my two officemates and I spent around 36 hours in Singapore. We were there from Feb. 27 to Feb. 28. Had just enough time to visit Sentosa, and meet up with some of my old friends from college, Kitin and Chester. Plus we also met up with some of my officemates friends. Special thanks to Chester for treating us to dinner at Kuishin Bo located at Suntec. Great all-you-can-eat Japanese dinner. The timing was excellent since I was also getting a bit too tired of eating Bangladesh cuisine. The change of taste was most welcome.

* * * * *

My wishlist.

I really wish I had the following. In order of priority.

A new PC. AMD processors are super cheap now, but Intel has released the latest Core i7 or whatever. Some new super fast chip. I just need a new PC both for gaming and for 3D purposes. Recently I've been itching to practice 3D seriously at home. Right now I don't have the means to do that. Plus it is sort of hard to blog using my folks' computer. It just doesn't feel right using a Mac.

New underwear. Shouldn't have had my underwear washed at the specialised guest house (Aerolink International) in Dhaka. Most, if not all, of the underwear I brought along to Dhaka has been rendered unuseable because the garters are all stretched out. No, I did not gain weight. Trust me. I left Manila 101kg and got back at 101kg.

A new phone. Sony Ericsson k850i or the C905 or whatever. I need a phone with a good camera. Just so that I always have a camera with me. Lugging around a DSLR all the time is both a drag and a risk.

PS3. Must. Get. It. Fixed. What a waste, didn't even last me one whole year before it broke down. Dumb f*ck.

That's it. Just had to write something down on my blog. It's been over a month since I last posted an entry, after all.

Out.

Crossroads

It seems I am at a crossroads in my life.

I have made a choice that puts me in a very unsure position regarding my future. And yet I chose this decision. Time to get out of the comfort zone (again) and start being a responsible adult (again).

I'd have to say last year was one hell of a ride. And I guess because of the things I experienced last year it helped me reach this decision I made. Despite all the ups and downs of last year I have no regrets.

Come to think of it, I really don't. I don't regret changing jobs, despite all the negative things that happened. Moving to the gaming industry in the Philippines just reinforced observations I made during my time in the post-production advertising industry of the Philippines. One, that there are lots of posers out there - many people talk the talk but can't walk the walk. Two, people who can sell themselves end up in better opportunities at first, but eventually they will get their comeupance (or whatever the hell the spelling is). Three, good leaders are hard to find. Four, hard work pays off and important people eventually see your true value. Four, you go to your job because you get paid to do it, making friends is just a bonus. Five, if you don't enjoy what you're doing anymore then it's time to move on. Six, you are paid to do your job / role, never let anything get personal unless someone forces you to make it personal.

Ah, it all seems so negative and bleak. But it's not. These things I just wrote down just emphasizes what I believed in all along.

On a side note, I've been working in 3D fields for the past five years. So far, honestly, I feel as if I've been short-changed. Maybe 3D wasn't the right field to invest in during college. I honestly do not know the answer.

But I do know that I am depressed right now, and that maybe that depression is the reason why I feel like 3D isn't the career for me. I really hope that's it's just depression.

Ah my writing sucks. So incoherent.

Out.

Bring It On (A New PC, I Mean) and Other Ramblings

It is the new year, since last week actually. And how have things been for me so far?

Not bad, to be honest. Not bad.

There are still things that are shaky going on, career-wise. I still don't know if I will still have a job this coming year or if I will also be the victim of the global economic crisis and get retrenched. But since no news is (sorta) good news, then I guess everything's gravy.

That doesn't mean that I don't have any backup plans. Or backups anyway. I must acquire a portale storage device of huge proportions - a 300gb portable hard drive. My PC is just waiting it's replacement, and right now I am blogging on my mother's old PowerBook. I need to back-up my work files, mp3s, and other important stuff from my old PC (and maybe my office PC) so that in the event that the new PC arrives, I will have 2 working PCs.

But wait, you're thinking, "How can you have 2 working PCs when you just implied that your current PC is no longer reliable? (Which it is... it is NOT reliable)" Well I still have my very 1st P4 PC somewhere in the house. I will cannibalize it for it's mobo and try to have my current PC's RAM, video card, power supply, DVD-writer, and hard drives connected to that one so I can have one relatively slow PC and a newer, faster one. The old PC I will most likely either give away to my relatives in the province who can use it for clerical duties, or I will give it to someone else. Or I can keep it, buy myself a switcher, and use 2 PCs using only one monitor, keyboard, and mouse. Whatever.

I've decided to go AMD Phenom X4. It is about 2/3 cheaper than a Pentium of the same speed. Plus I'm not too keen on getting Pentiums anymore since I didn't really get to use my old PC for income generating purposes. Thus defeating the need for getting expensive hardware. If I do find a way to make some extra moolah using my new PC at least I'll recoup my expenses sooner. If I don't, at least I didn't spend that much.

So that's it. Why did I post this? Because I want to be more active with my blog. I'm considering being a bit more open to the blog again, maybe with work. But then I don't want to sound like I'm a bitch about the stuff going on at work.

All I can say is that I miss post-prod TVC work. I guess I just needed a break from it from before, and a one year sabbatical seems just right.

Don't get me wrong, gaming is great and all. But I am just not impressed with the gaming industry in the Philippines. Maybe if I was working in the US or Canada for a major game company I'd be enjoying myself a lot more. But gaming here isn't what I expected.

For one thing we've been working on low-poly models. Mostly for the Nintendo DS. Nothing wrong with that, I have learned new things. But the excitement and the challenges I got used to doing before when I used to make TVCs just aren't here in gaming. I don't know why.

I still get challenged in gaming, but it's just not the same feel as with TVCs. It's just totally different.

But I'm still glad for everything that I have experienced. Because they all helped me out one way or another.

That's enough of that ramble.

Out.

Happy New Year

It's a new year, 2009. And yes, the number of posts I made last year continued to drop. Do I plan on doing anything to change this? Well I hope so. I will keep posting as long as I have ideas. And as long as I have the means to post.

I need a new PC. Desperately. My old one is just a goner. I tried reformatting it and it still sucks. Even worse than before the reformat. Tsk tsk. And this time when I do get a new PC I will make sure I have someone else assemble it for me and install the software. No more Mr. Do-It-Yourself. I'll probably just screw it up.

Well it is a new year, and I am looking forward to new challenges and new experiences. Gotta make this year better than last year.

And I have writer's block.

Out.