Yet here I survive. I keep fighting despite all the negativity and sadness and tiredness I am feeling. I know it sounds melodramatic, but I guess this resilience and hard-headedness is part of growing up and maturing.
I wanted to do a lot of things for my birthday, I wanted to eat the food I wanted. Due to circumstances beyond my control I'm celebrating it a lot more differently than what I wanted. Yes, I feel bad, yes I feel angry. Part of me, though, is convincing myself that I can't always get what I want. That I should just accept things and find a way to cope and overcome.
People keep telling me to be grateful, and I guess I should. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for a lot of things. I guess I should just find a way to make that be the dominant mindset in myself instead of all this negativity.
Forty years. I wonder how many more I have left. This has been quite a journey.
Out.
