When is work not work? When you enjoy doing it.
So does this mean that right now, I'm doing my job? Yes.
Maybe it's with my attitude. Maybe I'm the one to blame for not having fun anymore. But as of right now, 3D is shit. I feel the greatest regret that I decided to follow what I wanted and study 3D in college instead of just concentrating on taking up management or some other course that can make me lots of money. 3D just isn't it for me. I've started hating this profession of mine.
3D sucks. I've worked overtimes and sacrificed a lot of things I wanted to do because my job needed those sacrifices. And what have I gotten in return? Shit. My salary is decent. If I wanted to just have enough to pay for a place to stay and some food.
If I moved out of my parents' house my salary would just be enough to pay the rent and utilities of a SMALL STUDIO TYPE APARTMENT AND feed me. No more extra cash for whatever I want to do. I would not have enough cash left to spend for some other stuff.
Thank you, 3D. I regret choosing you as my career path because apparently at the rate I'm going I'll NEVER be able to buy my own house, much less my own car.
Out.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Quarter Year Resolutions?
I've recently decided to be less vocal of most of my angst. It's probably going to be step one in trying to improve my karma. Once I learn to stop being so vocal with all the angst I have, maybe I'll start getting less angsty.
We'll never know until it happens.
I've also decided to start trying to be more open-minded and generous.
You may be wondering why this is happening, or even why I am suddenly acting this way. Call it impulse, call it whatever. Things have happened recently and it's gotten me thinking.
I've posted before that I wanted to increase the number of blog posts. Epic fail, I guess. At this rate I won't even reach the number of posts I made last year. And it all boils down to the fact that I STILL don't have my PC upgrade yet.
Captain Procrastination strikes yet again. And again. And again.
Damn. I don't want to write anymore.
Where did all my drive to write go?
Out.
We'll never know until it happens.
I've also decided to start trying to be more open-minded and generous.
You may be wondering why this is happening, or even why I am suddenly acting this way. Call it impulse, call it whatever. Things have happened recently and it's gotten me thinking.
I've posted before that I wanted to increase the number of blog posts. Epic fail, I guess. At this rate I won't even reach the number of posts I made last year. And it all boils down to the fact that I STILL don't have my PC upgrade yet.
Captain Procrastination strikes yet again. And again. And again.
Damn. I don't want to write anymore.
Where did all my drive to write go?
Out.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Vent
I am getting pretty fed up already.
This was not what I had planned on doing, I am a 3D artist. Not an editor, not a pure compositor either. I am willing to do what must be done not because I want to do it, but because I am paid to do it.
Plus how do you expect me to produce what you want to produce when even you cannot make up your mind on how it is supposed to look? I've been doing this task since December 2008 and now you come up with more "brilliant" ideas of yours, asking me to "integrate" it to what I've already done. Well, your new ideas cannot be integrated. I have to start from scratch, basically wasting how many months of previous progress I had come up with.
Can it be done? Yes, given enough time. Yes, because I have no choice. And no, giving me more computers to help in rendering won't speed things up as much as you would want. You remind me of someone I used to work with. Always thinking that more computers mean faster work time. The sad part is you are supposed to be tech savvy. And now you just act like that someone I know.
The other bad part is you aren't even supposed to be the one to make decisions on this little task you have me doing. That's why you have directors and leads, they are supposed to make the calls. You can provide your input if you want but the directors are supposed to be the ones to say if the task is actually good to go or not.
And on that note, I'd like to digress to the part about the director. Thank you. You actually managed to speak out what I was thinking, that the new idea isn't good because we've been working on the previous idea since last year. I was surprised that you can actually take a stand once in a while. The bad part is in the end you still caved in and gave the opening to apply more changes. But I have told you my concerns about this project.
I've given almost everything you guys asked for with regards to this task. And yet every time you get what you want new things pop up. When will this end?
I know when this will end. When I can't make the end-of-the-week deadline you guys are setting. Because of your brilliant ideas which are very hard to execute. And who gets the blame? Me.
Well, f*ck you. Send me another impulsively written and poorly thought out letter and you will see just how much of an assh*le I can be too. I'm getting sick and tired of being everyone's whipping boy.
I am getting fed up with all this sh*t.
Out.
This was not what I had planned on doing, I am a 3D artist. Not an editor, not a pure compositor either. I am willing to do what must be done not because I want to do it, but because I am paid to do it.
Plus how do you expect me to produce what you want to produce when even you cannot make up your mind on how it is supposed to look? I've been doing this task since December 2008 and now you come up with more "brilliant" ideas of yours, asking me to "integrate" it to what I've already done. Well, your new ideas cannot be integrated. I have to start from scratch, basically wasting how many months of previous progress I had come up with.
Can it be done? Yes, given enough time. Yes, because I have no choice. And no, giving me more computers to help in rendering won't speed things up as much as you would want. You remind me of someone I used to work with. Always thinking that more computers mean faster work time. The sad part is you are supposed to be tech savvy. And now you just act like that someone I know.
The other bad part is you aren't even supposed to be the one to make decisions on this little task you have me doing. That's why you have directors and leads, they are supposed to make the calls. You can provide your input if you want but the directors are supposed to be the ones to say if the task is actually good to go or not.
And on that note, I'd like to digress to the part about the director. Thank you. You actually managed to speak out what I was thinking, that the new idea isn't good because we've been working on the previous idea since last year. I was surprised that you can actually take a stand once in a while. The bad part is in the end you still caved in and gave the opening to apply more changes. But I have told you my concerns about this project.
I've given almost everything you guys asked for with regards to this task. And yet every time you get what you want new things pop up. When will this end?
I know when this will end. When I can't make the end-of-the-week deadline you guys are setting. Because of your brilliant ideas which are very hard to execute. And who gets the blame? Me.
Well, f*ck you. Send me another impulsively written and poorly thought out letter and you will see just how much of an assh*le I can be too. I'm getting sick and tired of being everyone's whipping boy.
I am getting fed up with all this sh*t.
Out.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Back From Bangladesh and a Wishlist of Sorts
First things first, I returned to Manila on February 28, 2009. I was in Dhaka from Feb. 10 to Feb. 26 training some 3D artists how to do low-poly stuff for Nintendo DS games.
Dhaka (capital of Bangladesh) was an experience. I wish I could write everything down here but I don't think so. All I can say is that I experienced a lot of good times there, and there were some really bad times too (bastard taxi drivers). I enjoyed the opportunity, plus I think I did pretty well regarding the training.
After Dhaka my two officemates and I spent around 36 hours in Singapore. We were there from Feb. 27 to Feb. 28. Had just enough time to visit Sentosa, and meet up with some of my old friends from college, Kitin and Chester. Plus we also met up with some of my officemates friends. Special thanks to Chester for treating us to dinner at Kuishin Bo located at Suntec. Great all-you-can-eat Japanese dinner. The timing was excellent since I was also getting a bit too tired of eating Bangladesh cuisine. The change of taste was most welcome.
* * * * *
My wishlist.
I really wish I had the following. In order of priority.
A new PC. AMD processors are super cheap now, but Intel has released the latest Core i7 or whatever. Some new super fast chip. I just need a new PC both for gaming and for 3D purposes. Recently I've been itching to practice 3D seriously at home. Right now I don't have the means to do that. Plus it is sort of hard to blog using my folks' computer. It just doesn't feel right using a Mac.
New underwear. Shouldn't have had my underwear washed at the specialised guest house (Aerolink International) in Dhaka. Most, if not all, of the underwear I brought along to Dhaka has been rendered unuseable because the garters are all stretched out. No, I did not gain weight. Trust me. I left Manila 101kg and got back at 101kg.
A new phone. Sony Ericsson k850i or the C905 or whatever. I need a phone with a good camera. Just so that I always have a camera with me. Lugging around a DSLR all the time is both a drag and a risk.
PS3. Must. Get. It. Fixed. What a waste, didn't even last me one whole year before it broke down. Dumb f*ck.
That's it. Just had to write something down on my blog. It's been over a month since I last posted an entry, after all.
Out.
Dhaka (capital of Bangladesh) was an experience. I wish I could write everything down here but I don't think so. All I can say is that I experienced a lot of good times there, and there were some really bad times too (bastard taxi drivers). I enjoyed the opportunity, plus I think I did pretty well regarding the training.
After Dhaka my two officemates and I spent around 36 hours in Singapore. We were there from Feb. 27 to Feb. 28. Had just enough time to visit Sentosa, and meet up with some of my old friends from college, Kitin and Chester. Plus we also met up with some of my officemates friends. Special thanks to Chester for treating us to dinner at Kuishin Bo located at Suntec. Great all-you-can-eat Japanese dinner. The timing was excellent since I was also getting a bit too tired of eating Bangladesh cuisine. The change of taste was most welcome.
* * * * *
My wishlist.
I really wish I had the following. In order of priority.
A new PC. AMD processors are super cheap now, but Intel has released the latest Core i7 or whatever. Some new super fast chip. I just need a new PC both for gaming and for 3D purposes. Recently I've been itching to practice 3D seriously at home. Right now I don't have the means to do that. Plus it is sort of hard to blog using my folks' computer. It just doesn't feel right using a Mac.
New underwear. Shouldn't have had my underwear washed at the specialised guest house (Aerolink International) in Dhaka. Most, if not all, of the underwear I brought along to Dhaka has been rendered unuseable because the garters are all stretched out. No, I did not gain weight. Trust me. I left Manila 101kg and got back at 101kg.
A new phone. Sony Ericsson k850i or the C905 or whatever. I need a phone with a good camera. Just so that I always have a camera with me. Lugging around a DSLR all the time is both a drag and a risk.
PS3. Must. Get. It. Fixed. What a waste, didn't even last me one whole year before it broke down. Dumb f*ck.
That's it. Just had to write something down on my blog. It's been over a month since I last posted an entry, after all.
Out.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Crossroads
It seems I am at a crossroads in my life.
I have made a choice that puts me in a very unsure position regarding my future. And yet I chose this decision. Time to get out of the comfort zone (again) and start being a responsible adult (again).
I'd have to say last year was one hell of a ride. And I guess because of the things I experienced last year it helped me reach this decision I made. Despite all the ups and downs of last year I have no regrets.
Come to think of it, I really don't. I don't regret changing jobs, despite all the negative things that happened. Moving to the gaming industry in the Philippines just reinforced observations I made during my time in the post-production advertising industry of the Philippines. One, that there are lots of posers out there - many people talk the talk but can't walk the walk. Two, people who can sell themselves end up in better opportunities at first, but eventually they will get their comeupance (or whatever the hell the spelling is). Three, good leaders are hard to find. Four, hard work pays off and important people eventually see your true value. Four, you go to your job because you get paid to do it, making friends is just a bonus. Five, if you don't enjoy what you're doing anymore then it's time to move on. Six, you are paid to do your job / role, never let anything get personal unless someone forces you to make it personal.
Ah, it all seems so negative and bleak. But it's not. These things I just wrote down just emphasizes what I believed in all along.
On a side note, I've been working in 3D fields for the past five years. So far, honestly, I feel as if I've been short-changed. Maybe 3D wasn't the right field to invest in during college. I honestly do not know the answer.
But I do know that I am depressed right now, and that maybe that depression is the reason why I feel like 3D isn't the career for me. I really hope that's it's just depression.
Ah my writing sucks. So incoherent.
Out.
I have made a choice that puts me in a very unsure position regarding my future. And yet I chose this decision. Time to get out of the comfort zone (again) and start being a responsible adult (again).
I'd have to say last year was one hell of a ride. And I guess because of the things I experienced last year it helped me reach this decision I made. Despite all the ups and downs of last year I have no regrets.
Come to think of it, I really don't. I don't regret changing jobs, despite all the negative things that happened. Moving to the gaming industry in the Philippines just reinforced observations I made during my time in the post-production advertising industry of the Philippines. One, that there are lots of posers out there - many people talk the talk but can't walk the walk. Two, people who can sell themselves end up in better opportunities at first, but eventually they will get their comeupance (or whatever the hell the spelling is). Three, good leaders are hard to find. Four, hard work pays off and important people eventually see your true value. Four, you go to your job because you get paid to do it, making friends is just a bonus. Five, if you don't enjoy what you're doing anymore then it's time to move on. Six, you are paid to do your job / role, never let anything get personal unless someone forces you to make it personal.
Ah, it all seems so negative and bleak. But it's not. These things I just wrote down just emphasizes what I believed in all along.
On a side note, I've been working in 3D fields for the past five years. So far, honestly, I feel as if I've been short-changed. Maybe 3D wasn't the right field to invest in during college. I honestly do not know the answer.
But I do know that I am depressed right now, and that maybe that depression is the reason why I feel like 3D isn't the career for me. I really hope that's it's just depression.
Ah my writing sucks. So incoherent.
Out.
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