Ageing

Ilocandia Sunset
Originally uploaded by Gani.

I'm currently listening to Toad the Wet Sprocket's "Something's Always Wrong" as I write this post. And I have to agree with this song. Something IS always wrong with my life.

Teen angst returns.

Whether it be because of the way I think, my neurotic tendencies, or if God's out to get me or whatnot, I still say something's always wrong. It's not that I'm an ungrateful bastard to God's gifts and everything, I just always find something amiss from my perspective.

Take my birthday. I'm turning 26 on the 12th. That's in two freakin' days.

Normally I try to underplay my birthday. I don't announce it to many people, don't ask for gifts, don't try to make a big deal out of it. It's just another day. Except this year I've pretty much been broadcasting it here in the office. Strange, I usually stay quiet about this.

Maybe it's because my grandmother died a few weeks ago (two weeks ago to this day, I think). Maybe I'm still smarting from the, er, sudden way she passed away. I always thought she'd live to her 90s and pass away peacefully in her sleep. Guess I was wrong.

But enough about that. My pain is exactly what it should be, mine and mine alone. Sure blogging this basically broadcasts this to anyone who'd bother reading this blog of mine, but that doesn't mean I am making everyone privy to all my thoughts. Just some that I'd like to get off of my head. Besides, comments on my blog rarely appear (hint, hint, reader).

So I'm turning 26. I always compared ageing to gaining a level in RPG terms. Every year you get older is equivalent to you gaining enough experience to level up. How can it happen in the same time span all the time? Because as you get older the experience you gain are greater in value. Because in RPGs the higher your level the higher the experience needed to level up. So as you get older you take on more challenging, uh, challenges and you learn more from these difficulties. Right? Right.

Anyway I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Proof of this is the fact that lines from different songs from different genres whiz by my head at breakneck speeds. This usually happens when I am troubled and have to think. My brain tries to generate enough noise to drown out what I have to think about, thus enabling me to avoid thinking about it. But now no matter how loud the music is I cannot avoid the problem. My problem.

What is it? I know. But you won't. Not yet, at least.

Out.